Do the scales feel out of balance; ever the giver and never the receiver? Instead of looking around you, look within yourself.
I am a giver; this is what I tell myself. It is true – sometimes. I always enjoy giving and helping others. I am naturally generous. Sometimes I am giving out of love, other times I am giving to please.
I am also a people pleaser. I do not always give out of love, sometimes I give or do because I want to please the other person, but expecting to receive something equal, a little quid pro quo. What I learned is, the only person I need to please is myself. Giving myself what I need, love, compassion, rest; the list goes on. When I give to myself first, I have more to give to to others; and my giving comes from love.
It is only when I act like a people pleaser that the scales feel out of balance, where I get bent out of shape because I am tired and I am still the one doing all the time. I get angry and upset that I am not getting what I give. But to give out of love expects nothing in return. Being a people pleaser results from what you observe and experience as a child, it does not have to rule your adult life.
Throughout our days are lessons if you pay attention. Each annoyance, a message trying to push you into growth connected to your higher self instead of your ego. This was me yesterday. I pouted about my busy schedule and my boyfriend’s not so busy schedule. While I didn’t blurt out my annoyance, I sat with it much of the day. Then, as my day is finishing, I hear the sounds of chores being done outside my office and felt immediate gratitude. It was the people pleaser in me; the one that is always doing, that was fuming all day. The voice inside my head saying, “I work more hours and do most the chores… I deserve…” This was my “oh poor me” people pleaser mentality lashing out.
I am far from perfect and most days I still fall into people-pleasing. It is only now that I have begun my journey to lessen this behavior, at least most of the time. It took years to develop and will take years of practice to change. But it will be worth it. Anything wrapped in love is worth the effort.